As many people know, some places in the world are more well known for their plagiarism and other pirating attempts than others (as we could guess from the cool “Foakley” glasses we may have sitting at home, or that nice new “Folex” watch we could picked up the other day for only $5!)

Accusations of which countries or areas have the top fake markets or are more well known for their fake products have flown about for years. For years as well people have frequented these places to get LV of Gucci bags, computer software, DVDs, and other products for a fraction of the real product’s cost.

Being honest, these markets have done wonders for the economy of many areas. Sure it’s “officially” illegal, but at the same time it provides countless families with valuable sustainable income over the course of their illegitimate business lives.

But enough is enough.

This time, China’s gone too far.

I can accept an occasional fake product here and there, and I’d be lying if I’d say I haven’t been tempted my own fair share of times by such products. Watches, bags, DVDs, CDs, shoes…

BUT WHY CAN’T THEY LEAVE GUMBY ALONE?!?!?!

Yes, that’s right, poor little Gumby. That lovable claymation character that has been a hallmark icon for generations of kids now apparently has an illegitimate kid out there that takes “blue blood” to a whole new level.

Meet Haibao, the official mascot of the 2010 World Expo in Shanghai:

Hi everyone, I'm a knock-off!

The official line is that this little guy is a representation of the Chinese character “ren” or “person”, but who are we kidding?

While it’s true this may simply be the odd bastard child of Gumby from when he was doing a world tour a while back (bad Gumby, BAD!), but most likely it’s simply a PR developer having an off day.

Seriously though, come on. When do we draw the line?

Yes on GREEN, no on BLUE!

So please, join me in saying this is where we say we’ve had it by commenting below.

Gumby is ours, and you can’t have them Expo leaders! Take THAT!

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Real life comments from people who’ve lived it:

10. I have a boyfriend now, so I don’t want to sleep with you anymore. (Not so bad, until less than 24 hours later…)

9. I just broke up with my boyfriend, so I don’t want to sleep with you anymore.

8. I’m only 17.

7. So, can I borrow some money to pay for my STD?

6. Thanks. Now, that’ll be 500 RMB…

5. (After a passionate night) Hey, I’ve got to run. My husband is expecting me.

4. My son will just LOVE you!

3. So I was in a threesome with these two guys the other night…

2. The police won’t be fast enough next time.

And finally…

1. (Drunk and exhausted after a last-minute booty call) LET’S MAKE BABY!

Have any other thoughs? Add them to the comments below.

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Ever wondered what goes through the minds of people as you’re traveling in a foreign country like the one I’m in, and why so many people act like they hate you? Here’s the ten most common ones straight from the horse’s mouth:

10. Who cares if we take your for all you’re worth? You have an insurance policy. It’s called your salary.

9. Foreigners are idiots.

8. Your country is richer than mine, so you don’t matter.

7. We’re just trying to be like you. You do this to foreigners too.

6. You’re racist. We’re not. And if you think we are, this is “different”.

5. My parents told me to do this.

4. You just don’t understand our culture.

3. You don’t speak the language, therefore you’re an idiot.

2. We have 5000 years history!

and finally….

1. I’m better than you.

Have your own thoughts you’d like to add to this list? Put them in the comments below.

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I was at the hospital this morning with a friend, and Chinese hospitals being what they are (oh, I’ll come back to those at a later date)I took a seat on a nearby bench to settle in for a few hours.

I settled down to read a good book, when suddenly I was torn from my thoughts by one of the most horrible sounds in the world…

A loud, middle-aged Shanghai woman talk about her personal health problems in front of me.

I can understand a woman wanting to share her problems with others. I can understand people need to vent from time to time about the problems they face out there. Honestly, though, why do I need to hear about your venereal disease and how things are escalating to the point where you can hardly piss without feeling like you’re being gutted with a thousand knives (something I wish I could do myself to her at that very moment)? If your vagina’s going to rot off at least be kind enough to keep it to yourself in all ways possible.

I think I’ve found what could best be used to describe people such as her that seem to be so common around the streets:

is the same as

What makes it worse is that I’m not the only one that hates this. I’ve talked to the locals, and THEY think that it’s just as annoying as anyone else.

So why do it?

I think people like to do this to themselves.

After that, there’s not much else I can say…

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KFC is the brainchild of capitalism.

McDonalds is a fart in the wind when it comes to the Asian fast food scene.

Burger King? Come on, good food, but it’s nowhere near as widespread as its competition.

KFC now…I’ve come to admire how they have dominated the local market for fast food and are having a lasting impression on the population.

What, you haven’t heard about KFC in China? Not only is it the first fast food restaurant chain to be allowed to enter the country once the government doors opened up once again, it’s also the market leader in nearly all aspects. From their tasty chicken sandwiches to the traditional fried chicken, nothing beats a nice fattening KFC meal in the middle of the day.

Really, they’re making bank too! In 2004 a simple combo meal of a sandwich, drink, and fries would cost a total of 18 RMB (then approximately $2.18 US at the old conversion rate of 8.26 RMB to 1 USD). Now in 2009 the same meal costs 24 RMB in Xu Jia Hui (southern downtown Shanghai), which equates to around $3.50 (now with the conversion rate of 6.83 RMB to 1 USD). That’s an increase of over 60% revenue over the past 5 years for the Colonel.

Way to go home team!

Yummy yummy for my fat tummy...

But money alone isn’t the only benefit KFC is getting from China. Where would we be if we didn’t bring a bit of our culture here as well?

Bit by bit, local Chinese boys and girls are becoming more and more American, or at least in their waist lines. How’s this for a kicker? Just take kids under age 6 and only look at obesity (not just being fat asses). In 2007 3.6% of all kids were obese, compared to 0.42% in 1986 (check it out here).

Still, is making people fat in the ass the true goal?

No, through hormones and supplements there are greater targets at stake:

Enlarged mammaries.

Even if the constant buzz about huge hormone doses going into all of our food sources wasn’t true the simple fact is that the fat content of the food helps contribute to providing us with delicious, tantalizing folds of fat with joyous little nubbins at their peaks.

Just take this lovely little girl from the Fat Beauty competition as an example (if you ignore all the other less-desirable folds):

Spread them legs, hot stuff!

Still don’t believe it’s true? Check out this article that tracks breast sizes in the world.

In Asia in the 80’s, just when KFC was getting ramped up to come here, the average breast size was 34A. Now we’re at a lovely 34C from the 90’s onward.

God bless America.

Of course it wouldn’t be in true Angry LaoWai fashion to let this slide without any complaint, so to be fair I *AM* a bit peeved at my own expanding gut.

Still, I think I’ll bite the bullet on this one. Here’s one big salute to the Capitalist Colonel.

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If  you’re reading this because you’re thinking you’ll find some amazing post that’s “uncategorized” you’re an idiot. There is no such things as writing not having a category. There are only idiots that can’t figure out where to put stuff.

Now GET BACK TO THE MAIN PAGE AND READ MORE!

Thank you.

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